The ‘Calm and Collected’ Rebuttal: a reflection

What the fuck were you thinking? And when in the hell were you going to call. I waited patiently, persistently at ease with almost all and everything I could begin to perceive. What did it mean? Predominantly present and pre-screened. “Too bad your girlfriend’s not a fiend.” However thought of, it was, never truthfully foreseen. 

Do you even care and did you ever think of me? Or was this all just a huge misunderstanding, as you have all apparently misunderstood me. Would anyone consciously choose to jump through these hoops if there remained an end in sight that was even remotely bearable? I had several bleeding thoughts and few surfacing answers, but I wasn’t seeking anymore. Nor was I fearful the conclusion would come or be as painful as this twisted plot has been. So I looked on with eyes hopeful for a freedom that may take more time than I was willing to allot for such meager means as this.

All along I simply strived to find ways to be of service without sacrificing enough to serve myself. Forever looking outward it was the inner form that suffered, and suddenly I no longer wished to die.

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