The judgments seldom bothered me when I looked back over my older writings. I may have coped better then, with lesser experience and still the most fundamental guides coming through as lucid visions. The visions have subsided since, as I believe we have evolved into a new phase, for some, where they had been utilized accordingly to fit the given transitions. There is a growing tendency to see less, although empathically I feel so much more. Others are still heavily targeted, and few I see are experiencing much in the way of the true freedom we are designed for. Their has been a gradual and systematic disturbance that plagues us with time and age, removing us from the paths our souls were so destined as if we were not constructed for such experiences. This, however, seems a faulty view as we are perfectly capable of so many forms of adaption, allowed so consciously through the gateways of evolution. It comes and goes naturally I can carelessly assume. They have since taught me much about myself I believe trauma has hindered or otherwise blocked others from both truly seeing and understanding the expression of self existing in this form. Not to mention, the internal dialogue has become increasingly hostile. But was it really internal? I knew I was experiencing both realities infinitely paralleling one another and through the inner transformation occurring I could see outwardly with a heightened vision, upon greater depth. I could feel myself again, when these interactions died down, and the emotional wounds were heavy burdens on a jaded heart. Perhaps this is just how it should be and I am missing something else, something just beyond the veil of my senses that has been further undisclosed out of mockery and unconventional fears. Meanwhile, a part of me is wondering how I wrote any of this or why it even makes sense and why I keep rereading the same sentence. And why as soon as I began writing this I couldn’t stand it anymore. Something here seemed super-fish.