Touring My Mind

Talking in “Code”,

I live in the front office room,

and your minds been made up for weeks

You still think I’m the biggest geek

and I still love you

It’s deep

but goddamn

this bitch is cheap

shit eating grin and a fallacy self taught

her worlds consumed by cyclical thought

doubts that you love me though I know that you will

pretending not to care basis on your unawareness

my own pretentious, cold hard stares

at all the life I let slip through

my hands, and

everytime

I couldn’t help

but think,

Darling

you were so Divine

and all of your responses

they filled me with regret

“Girl, stop lying”, left me writhing on the floor

Embarrassing myself at my own rewritten world

What happened here, you got so old

left shame beyond the ashes

of the stories never told

why bother scold me

for inadequacies

when you knew

I never fit

just a sinking

slum of a feeling

left within my battered wit

I’m a bitch, but you never thought to ask

how the heart in me still beats

without your love

slowly she retreats

into the forest of her loving soul

she’s not a monster

she despises to be told

the meaning of her failing mold

it’s no surprise to us she lies in dust

we dust her off for her to roll back in

and it’s all along been her shattered plan

something to matter, a bitter plan

to end the reckless abuse

of carelessness

Abuse

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